can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize