Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
