i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
