Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
