I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
