When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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