my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
