I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
