Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
