Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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