you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
