Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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