I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
