I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
