is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
where are my eyebrows?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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