when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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