Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
