just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
