She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I had to cum in my sink.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
