i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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