Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
that's an acceptable place to lick
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I am naked and annoyed.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
