I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
