I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
