So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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