WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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