dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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