i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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