There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
