I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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