i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
