So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
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