Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
