Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
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I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
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We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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