Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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