Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
