I can feel you judging me through the phone.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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