3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Is it penis luge time yet?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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