if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
