I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
