dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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