just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
