Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
