found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
