I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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