Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
