As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
