If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
