I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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