My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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