That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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