yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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