I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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