I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
