Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I still have a little drunk in my system
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize