Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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