um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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