And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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