She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
