I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
