you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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