i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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